Pappa wants mamma naked
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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