Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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