My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
