I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
