to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Randomize
