I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
