Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
