I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
