If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
