Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
