You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Every concussion has its silver lining
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
