Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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