Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
