508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
