what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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