This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
