So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
