the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
