We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
