so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
