i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
