I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
