i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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