He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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