Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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