the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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