All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
