She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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