I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
