Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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