I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
