Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize