i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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