If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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