Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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