it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
