I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You don't make any sense
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