Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
