theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
