JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
