you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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