Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
