i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
