put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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