I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
These tits shall not be calmed
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
