Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
