Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
