I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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