Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
