I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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