dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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