My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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