i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
