i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
