I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
