I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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