My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
