Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Randomize
