why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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