please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
