the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
