i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
