Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
