I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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