Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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