i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
