you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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