OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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